The persistence of 'future-wife' telephone spammer.

It probably breaks all the rules of good writing, but I'm going to begin this piece by commenting on how much I like the title I have given it. It might not be everyone's idea of a good title, but I like it- and anyway who else is reading this? It sounds like a title that Philip K. Dick might use, or something you might find in a modern art gallery- but it also does describe a true incident that occurred to me this very day.

"Hey bbe. Its ur future wife. Hopefully. Tb. Ly. x x x"

This message I received, on my mobile, this evening. Whilst I am nearly always open to consider proposals of marriage, mysteriously ambiguous text messages are not the way forward. May I suggest future applicants for this position send me some form of written application, preferably with a detailed CV.

Clearly this was some sort of spam message designed to lure me into sending a return message. Or worse actually giving the sender a call. Undoubtedly if I had done this I would have found myself somehow enabling villains to steal my bank account details or, perhaps, MY VERY SOUL. At the very least they'd probably spam me a lot more, or get me to call some kind of premium-rate future wife hotline.

The real frustration with this kind of thing is that it is actually fairly tempting to reply to the message. Surely that would only cost me 10p? Surely? No... I daren't. SOMETHING BAD, although undefined, IS SURE TO OCCUR. But who sent the message? Why? What does "Tb. Ly" mean? (Tuberculosis Lately?) I must leave these questions unanswered; and as an inquisitive sort of person, this is deeply unsatisfying.

But then, mere moments later... the spammer rang me! But not long enough for me to answer. A schoolboy trick. I'm not falling for that. I WON'T CALL!

Then, as a final act of appallingly desperate phone criminality, a final message:

"Y u nt textin me bk"

As if that question needed a reply.